his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
