How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
