my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
