I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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