i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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