I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
