Plan B is the new Plan A
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
