If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
