This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
The adults are the big ones right?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
