Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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