I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
