How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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