Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
