what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
