I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
