I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
