All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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