ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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