just come out here and I will go home with you...
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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