i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
