You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
