My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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