dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
