i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
