I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Please, let me fuck your mom
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
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