She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
