I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
