Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
