I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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