hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
