I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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