Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
