He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
