I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
