She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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