I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize