She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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