If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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