I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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