you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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