dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
