Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
