if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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