i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
