i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just threw up on my dentist
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i love accidental penises.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
