It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
