it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Your penis caused this!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
