Do you still have your period?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
