I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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