she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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