She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
that's an acceptable place to lick
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
this hospital has no fireball
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
