I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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