I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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