I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
