Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
