The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
