my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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