I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
