Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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