I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
