Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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