Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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