smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
