I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
