the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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