I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
