To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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