there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
