Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
