Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I wish they made helmets for livers.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
