I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
