do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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