When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
