yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
