And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize