If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My vagina is very pro this idea
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
