She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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