i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Sorry my hands just texted you
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You need Xanax blowdarts
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
