Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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