I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize