I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
