did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Help me help you realize you are a moron
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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